Olen vist isiksusehäirete lainel sellepärast, et selle kuu lõpus on meie dream tiimil järjekorras juba 7. intensiivseminar ja seekord on see isiksusehäirete teemadel:
- emotsionaalse düsregulatsiooni häired (Emotional Dysregulation Disorder);
- reaktiivse kiindumuse häire (Reactive Attachment Disorder);
- bipolaarne häire (Bipolar Disorder);
- piirialane isiksusehäire (Borderline Personality Disorder);
- autismi spektri häired (Autism Spectrum Disorder).
Sisemised tundeseisundid, mõtted ja psühhosomaatilised reaktsioonid mõjutavad käitumist, mis omakorda on mõjutatud isiku bioloogilistest tingimustest, tema emotsionaalsest haavatavusest ja keskkonna mõjudest. Inimese emotsionaalne regulatsioon mõjutab suuresti tema otsusetegemise protsessi – füüsiliselt, emotsionaalselt ja vaimselt. Keha-meele protsessis on olemas emotsionaalse regulatsiooni strateegiad, mis põhinevad tähelepanelikkusel ja teadmistel, kuidas aktiveerida oma energiad integreeritud moel.
Tulles tagasi isiksusehäirete juurde ja selle juurde, kuidas tehakse inimesi katki, murtakse nende vaimu, siis “I hate you- Don’t leave me” raamatu lk 93-94 räägibki sellest. Lapsed on mudelõppijad, nad õpivad selle järgi, mida näevad teisi ees tegevat ja suur osa neist kordavad oma vanemate vigu. Kui 30 protsenti kordab, siis 70 ei korda ja püüab olla oma vanematest paremad. Halb vanem võib olla suurepärane õpetaja selles mõttes, et näitab milliseks laps mitte kunagi saada ei taha.
Aga vägivald sünnitab vägivalda ja vägivald ei ole ainult füüsiline vägivald. Verbaalne ja psühholoogiline vägivald, hooletusse jätmine, ka mittehoolimine on üks hülgamise vorme, need kõik õõnestavad lapse eneseusaldust ja eneseväärtuse tunnet.
Aga lapsed muudkui kasvavad, olenemata sellest, mis nendega juhtub ja kus või kuidas nad kasvavad. Ühel hetkel on nad suured, kuid emotsionaalne areng on kuhugi kinni jäänud. Kogu inimese olemus tegeleb enamuse ajast enda süsteemi kaitsmisega, et ei saaks haiget. Need lapsed kasvavad teadmisega, et kedagi ei tohi usaldada, sest midagi head sealt niikuinii ei tule. See on nüüd see emotsionaalse kaaperdamise jutt, millest siin varem olen rääkinud. Oht tundub suurem, kui tegelikult on, sest mälestus on selline. Aga reaktsioonid juba käivad… Allpool on vastus küsimusele, et miks.
“Violence begets violence,” said John Lennon, and this is particularly true in the case of battered children.
Because those who are abused often become abusers themselves, this problem can selfperpetuate over many decades and generations. In fact, about 30 percent of abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children, continuing the vicious cycle.
The incidence of abuse or neglect among borderlines is high enough to be a factor that separates BPD from other personality disorders. Verbal or psychological abuse is the most common form, followed by physical and then sexual abuse. Physical and sexual abuse may be more dramatic in nature, but the emotionally abused child can suffer total loss of self-esteem.
Emotional child abuse can take several forms:
- Degradation — constantly devaluing the child’s achievements and magnifying misbehavior. After a while, the child becomes convinced that he really is bad or worthless.
- Unavailability — psychologically absent parents show little interest in the child’s development and provide no affection in times of need.
- Domination — use of extreme threats to control the child’s behavior. Some child development experts have compared this form of abuse to the techniques used by terrorists to brainwash captives.
Characteristics of physically abused preschool-age children include inhibition, depression, attachment difficulties, behavior problems (such as hyperactivity and severe tantrums), poor impulse control, aggressiveness, and peer-relation problems.
The pattern of the neglected child, as described by psychologist Hugh Missildine, mirrors the dilemmas of borderlines in later life:
If you suffered from neglect in childhood, it may cause you to go from one person to another, hoping that someone will supply whatever is missing.
You may not be able to care much about yourself, and think marriage will end this, and then find yourself in the alarming situation of being married but emotionally unattached. . . . Moreover, the person who [has] neglect in his background is always restless and anxious because he cannot obtain emotional satisfaction. . . . These restless, impulsive moves help to create the illusion of living emotionally. . . . Such a person may, for example, be engaged to be married to one person and simultaneously be maintaining sexual relationships with two or three others. Anyone who offers admiration and respect has appeal to them—and because their need for affection is so great, their ability to discriminate is severely impaired.
From what we understand of the roots of BPD – abuse, neglect, or prolonged separations early in childhood can greatly disrupt the developing infant’s establishment of trust.
Self-esteem and autonomy are crippled. The abilities to cope with separation and to form identity do not proceed normally. As they become adults, abused children may recapitulate frustrating relationships with others. Pain and punishment may become associated with closeness—they come to believe that “love hurts.” As the borderline matures, self-mutilation may become the proxy for the abusive parent.
Allikas: Raamat “I hate you – Don’t leave me”, lk 93-94